Modes of failure

“Here I sit now, broken-hearted…”, goes the familiar bathroom-stall scrawl. While not exactly reveling in my single-ness, watching the supernovae of relationships of those close to me has me re-evaluating this position. At the present moment I am consoling my brother’s fiancee, who sounds just absolutely despondent over feelings that he doesn’t care about her any more and treats her like a friend and not a fiancee, and never calls, and losing him, and thinks he’s gonna dump her, and thinks he might be cheating, and that it’s all her fault, and more along those lines than I really can/should express here. This might tie in somehow with a previous entry, but I can’t be sure. Tonight, he’s told her that he’s out with his uncle doing something, which is highly suspect (considering hanging out with my uncle means my uncle’s kids as well, and he’d rather have his gonads in intimate contact with a running belt sander). This is all quite saddening. But not as much as the next one. I have today found out that my good college friend A* has just gotten a divorce. I stood up at his wedding last year. It seems like only yesterday I was at his bachelor party introducing his prudish cousin’s face to strange tits. Now his wife has decided she’s leaving him for some random dude in Tennesee she met on the internet, exchanged some not-so-nice words, and divorced him. Granted, getting married at 19 may not be the best idea in the world, I did not at all expect their relationship to fail so suddenly or catastrophically.

The worst part of it all is hearing his surprising (facade of) unbitterness, and just knowing that beneath the surface he’s ready to snap at any moment. I’ve known this guy (and been roomates for some time) long enough to recognize this state when I see it. Another thing I’m confused / bugged by the level of kindness and compassion he’s demonstrating to her even in the middle of all this. He’s letting her still live in his house rather than go back to live with her parents, whom I understand are nut-jobs, but even I, doormat of the world, would have a hard time not kicking her ass (figuratively speaking) directly to the curb.

QOTD: ‘Hmm, that’s odd. There’s a grid reference here of zero zero zero, zero zero zero.’ I stopped shovelling beans as a shiver went down my spine. Where had I heard those words before…?

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