Dark Roast and the Coffee Pod Conspiracy


Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down? We do! We do!
Who leaves Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the martians under wraps? We do! We do!

For the last half-year or so, I and many co-workers have been using a Senseo single-serving coffee machine that someone randomly stuck in the lunchroom. It operates on pre-made coffee ‘pods’; a coffee filter with a measured amount of grounds already sealed inside it. There are many different flavors and mixes available, ranging from the standard (coffee-flavored…mild, medium, dark) to the floofy (with names such as Vanilla Vienna Cafe and Killarney Blast). I like Dark Roast, because it’s the closest, most flavorful and caffeine-ful thing I can get to espresso. Yeah, I’m hopelessly hooked on Dark Roast. It’s incredibly opaque liquid crack.

Jeff, our other EE, hooked me up with my first and second stockpiles of Dark Roast pods; even gave me the first one free. But he’s announced he’s no longer putting together orders for people (he’s already the one we turn to for our Digikey fix); and from now on we’ll have to fend for ourselves. So I went looking at my favorite grocery store…Vanilla Orgasm, Hazelnut Waltz, Mild, Medium, D’oh! No Dark Roast. Every kinky flavor known to humankind, but no dark roast. Hmm… So I try some more stores. Chocolate RazzBerry Blast, Avocado Explosion, Ketchup Popsicle Surprise, Mild, Medium… D’oh! In each case, my beloved Dark Roast is again conspicuously absent.

Why is that? My brother thinks maybe they just don’t stock it because most people don’t like dark roast (per his experiences at the coffee shop), but I think some form of diabolical global conspiracy is more likely. There’s probably a chemical in it that cures cancer or something, that the medical industry wants to keep down.

In the meanwhile, if Senseo don’t wanna play nice, someone should put together a definitive compatability matrix for the multitude of (sometimes interchangeable) coffee pods and systems out there. Somebody‘s gotta make a compatible Dark Roast pod I can buy at a real grocery store!

(To feed my addiction, Friday I broke down and ordered Dark Roast pods from Amazon… I’ll get them “sometime next week” *twitch*)

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One Response to “Dark Roast and the Coffee Pod Conspiracy”

  1. GJM says:

    i have a few spare dark pods, pick them up at your leasure…

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