"Nowhere Hall"

Bits on Ferromagnetic Canvas, (4900w x 1820l x 1000h) World Units
Artist: T.R.Gipson

Okay, here goes my first attempt at a Half-Life map. It's a random, unidentified building that, for some strange and inexplicable reasons, may look vaguely familiar to a lot of people. Before you even THINK about blowing your hallmates to smithereens in this lovely map, you are reqired by law (ahem, that's me) to read the disclaimers first. Yes folks, I DO claim this as a work of artistic expression, and no, I don't need counseling. (Yes he does!) * (No he doesn't) * (Shut up, the both of you!)


The BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL doesn't like students who play too many computer games...

Could all those network problems be.... intentional?

Twas the night before Doomsday, and all through the house ...

Not a creature was stirring, let alone buying Fritos.
From the lone Microwave there arose such a clatter,

Someone made macaroni and Boy, did it splatter....

Your Mathematics Professor thinks this game is Too Difficult!

Egads! Who ate the Tri-State Food?

What was that noise from upstairs?

Go on, nobody likes a coward...

It's a bird! its a plane! no, it's a.... smouldering pile of space junk

... a space disgrace station! Never trust something that's Communist and flies :)

Sure, these things are much safer on the ground... but still...

Uh-oh... the creatures have escaped. I think they went downstairs to fuck up fiddle with the network...

Yes, I finally stopped fiddling with it and released the damn thing. The screenies above are from an unfinished version some time ago, so there some noticable glitches & texture scewups in various places (plus, it's dark as hell). I'm lazy, so I'm not going to go thru and grab new ones. The final compile of this map took almost 6 hours on my Athlon800 (not "several days" as I had previously guessed :) and the final map weighs in at 4.71 mb.

Objects in the level:
Many of the complex objects (copy machine, Guillotine, microwave, etc.) are prefabs that I yanked from various places and threw into the game. I wish I remembered who all actually made them; I'd give 'em credit. Several custom textures have been used in the production of Nowhere Hall, these were painstakingly scanned in handcrafted in Paint Shop Pro. The "Windows NT Security" slide was stolen from a private Microsoft server using very sophisticated hacker tools (Navigator 4.x). It may not be visible, but the words "Microsoft Confidential" appear in the lower left corner. All available by anonymous FTP. Go figure.

#include <stdArtsyFartsy.h>
In this artistic work I was going for a lot of contrast. Throughout the map you will see expressive dynamics of shadow & light. Shadow & light - This symbolizes <BS mode on!> the continuing struggle of mankind in good vs. evil; the archetypal characters of the Virgin Mary and Oedipus, and the man in the moon, and Jim Carrey on an acid trip. This all culminates into an allegorical representation of <BS mode off> killing lots of stuff, and stuff. Seriously, you can probably find all sorts of symbolism in this map. I didn't put any in, though, so you're probably seeing reflections of your own mind as a result of looking too hard for such non-existant symbolisms. (NOTE: NON-EXISTANT SYMBOLISMS IN MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR.)
PS. The wrecked random, unidentified spacecraft on the 3rd floor is a nice touch, serving as a symbol of _______insert symbolism here___________. (ANALYZE DISCUSS EXPLAIN)

Disclaimer (can anyone find a nice Lawyer skin for this map? hehe)

All events, characters, rooms, and other items in this map are fictional. Any resembance to any events, persons, or rooms, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and can't be proven in court. No ferromagnetic canvases were harmed in the production of this map. Close cover before striking.

#include <stdNoColumbineDisclaimer.h>
The work of artistic expression you are about to experience is a work of artistic expression. It does not represent any latent violence-urges of the artist, contributors or players, and is not intended to encourage violence, nor fortell future real or contemplated acts of criminal mayhem. Nor is it intended to serve as a milkable cash-cow for the mainstream shock-media, to contort into a sordid tale of (potential) contemplated acts of criminal mayhem in order to sell more advertising during SPECIAL REPORTs and EXCLUSIVE COVERAGEs, while annoying the millions of TV viewers who are sick of the media's obsession with death and the potential for death, and just want to watch their football. This whole media-violence-scapegoat-scare thing has gotten way out of hand, so lighten up or die.

PS. Remember, any symbolisms you see, including dire mass-media violence overtones or "scarallels" to real-world criminal acts, are a reflection of your own psyche--if you see any such things in this artwork, you should get thee (that's you, not I!) to professional counseling right away. You have issues :)