On nomenclature (Soylent Green is… is..)

Ok, so, apparently in certain circles of defense parlance, you do not blow up people. Well, you do, but the correct euphemism is “soft targets” (as opposed to “hard targets”, such as tanks, buildings, etc.). Referring to soft targets as people is rather frowned upon. I managed to inadvertently silence a getting-out-of-hand meeting yesterday as follows:

(various talking, sniggering and head-shaking about ‘targets’ nomenclature)
me: So this thing has about 4 seconds to decide if it’s being shot at buildings or people…
AL: Soft targets!
me: OK, so seriously, in the event of Soft Targets (arf! arf!), 4 seconds to reconfigure?
DE: How about bad people?
me: How about, brown people?

(*crickets*)

Apparently, certain coworkers have far not enough respect for Carlin. (That and, certain coworkers probably now think certain other coworkers have far not enough respect for other cultures and/or not being a racist fuck, even after attempting to explain the Carlin sketch…)

Ok, I’ma just continue sitting on my hands and rocking. (“I am not designing a weapons system… I am not a racist fuck… I am not designing a weapons system…”)

* * *

On a lighter note, from the People who Have Entirely Too Much Fun at their Jobs department…

Toilet colors. The person at toilet companies whose job it is to name the different colors their product comes in* has the Funnest. Job. Evar. One particular model comes in your choice of Thunder Gray, Innocent Blush, or Biscuit.

Hehe…Innocent Blush… “who, me?” Yeah, I’ve had performances like that. Usually a few hours after eating Anna’s.

* * *

Some days ago my girlfriend was staying over, and I was in earshot when she called up her lab to ask someone to turn off an experiment in her hood that was inadvertently left running. My eyes widened and I said, “Whoa, you can do that? You just MeatVNC’d into your lab.” She had no idea what I was talking about and I had to explain. (Meanwhile however, one or more nearby computer geeks were cracking up.)

* not to mention file trademark applications if they Google it and get 2 or less digits of hits. Imagine how that must look on a re`sume`. “I’m also the mark holder for Baby Green(R), Cornfetti(R) and Pilsner Swirl(R)!”

Leave a Reply