Fold or Scrunch?

I’ve seen this on a few of those ridiculously-personal-info-to-share-with-the-whole-entire-intarweb memes. Supposedly, this question, referring to one’s post-toilet cleanup style, is supposed to expose some telling detail about one’s personality makeup.

Like you really wanted to know…I fold, and proudly at that: I know the approximate per-ply breaking strength, absorption rate, etc., and consequently, how many minimum plies I want between me and the business. The answer is typically “more than the number provided by a typical TP square”, so it’s getting doubled up in a way that guarantees that many plies at any point along its surface. I’m a big fan of repeatability. Few things would suck more than hitting the structural weak point of a nondeterministic wad of bog roll and winding up two knuckles deep in the shitty part of town.

But there’s a third cleanup style seldom mentioned. The Mummy. You know what I’m talking about.

There’s no mistaking that ruggaruggaruggaruggarugga sound of your stall neighbor unreeling fifty thousand shit-tickets and gift-wrapping his hand with them, then proceeding to use that entire hand (I presume) like a big cannon bore swab. (Nor, for that matter, the sound of the porcelain thunder pot struggling to flush your stallbuddy’s (doo-ly notarized!) 100-page deposition.)


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