Void Where Prohibited: The Phantom Urinator strikes again!

At work today we had a meeting in which we discussed toilets. We talk about toilets way too much.

Figure 1: Toilets, and the discussion thereof, are thouroughly appreciated by everybody.

Anyway, for at least the last few weeks or so, there has been a problem with leaks in the men’s room. Specifically, somebody taking them all over the floor. Now, surely, it’s not intentional…we’re all big boys (engineers and research scientists, at that), so I don’t suppose anyone is doodling on the floor to make a point, or play starship captain* or anything. However, while it’s not unheard-of for a couple stray drops, including splashback from a right torrential piss, to land on the rim or outside the bowl, these have been substantially more than a few drops…more like small puddles. Since this particular fluid dynamics problem has been brought up in meetings for the third time (the nightly cleaning staff have even brought it up), I haven’t seen the puddles return in the last few days. Hopefully this means the phantom urinator has cleaned up his act.

Today’s tank talk focused on a new matter, however. Our wing of the building has two sets of toilets–a mens’ and a ladies’ room (“one-holers”) inside the office proper, and a pair of massively parallel, multiporcelain public johns located in the hallway just outside. For the longest time, there was an informal agreement that any “serious business” be taken care of in the outside johns, not the ones right next to our offices/kitchen, due to the non-stellar nature of their ventilation systems. In fact, some jokester had taped up a little handlettered sign on the wall opposite the throne: “if you can see this, you should be in the other bathroom.”

Eventually the sign fell off, and for whatever reason, over time this informal rule fell by the wayside and never got passed on from old staff to new. Someone brought this up, with some vigor, at today’s meeting, formally enacting/renewing the rule. Later today, someone went so far as to zip-tie the seat in the ‘up’ position. Doubtlessly, some form of amusing signage will also appear within the next few days. I feel bad for whoever unwittingly dropped the bomb that brought about a staff meeting discussion, No Deucing signs AND a zip-tied seat.

Figure 2: Just had to be spades…

* and boldly go where no one has gone before


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