Top 15 practical uses for duct tape in the bedroom

Practical uses for duct tape in the bedroom:

15. To insulate grindable or chippable (etc.) surfaces against wear/damage due to excessive banging, rattling, friction or lateral motion; or to dampen noise / squeaking from same.

14. Vibration control.

13. To secure the paper bag, should the direness of your straits require one.

12. If there are people sleeping in the next room / house, and she’s a screamer.

11. To securely fasten items within easy reach.

10. For the removal of unwanted hair / fur. (Or skin, if you aren’t careful, so be careful.) A.K.A. last-minute Bush Jobs.

9. If your activities specify a control system, attach one end to a sensitive patch of your partner’s skin and hang onto the other. Apply negative feedback as necessary.

8. For costume play.

7. For securing down loose breakable items, clocks, chargers, figurines, etc.

6. For covering gaps in a doorjamb / keyholes / windows, in nosey environments.

5. To eliminate unwanted sources of lighting or glare. (see previous)

4. For temporarily holding pieces together while epoxying a bedframe back together.

3. For emergency prophylaxis repair. (Only kidding folks, don’t try this at home. Yours or anyone else’s.)

2. For the tying up of persons, places, or things.

And the number one practical use for duct tape in the bedroom is…
1. For fixing up the ductwork in your room, of course.

(There you have it folks, the list that precipitated the office letch* running breathlessly into me with “Quick, I need to know how to un-send an email!” after accidentally forwarding it to a client with the same last name as a buddy of his – beware the all-singing, all-dancing power of AutoComplete!)

* no, not me, the other office letch…JP.


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