Whispers from dark eyes, she takes the poison

Shit chefs, stirring vigorously, and drama drama drama (S* v. N*, with the help of ???.) An ex from long ago popped up today on AIM, and I finally found out what I knew all along. (That modelling a relationship as a linear control system isn’t as stupidstupid as it sounds, and that even this crappy, simplistic model can predict the behavior of sufficiently deterministic live humans…hey, do I rant too much?) But seriously… I found out what the external disturbance term Td was; a few choice words from a family member, over an unspecified (< = 11 mo.) time interval, were enough to induce failure. (Seems to be a recurring theme lately, third-party poisoning of interpersonal relationships.) Anyway, the shit stirring union. At the start of this relationship I had to choose. The sum of all my (limited) knowledge and all of my experiences with both of them had to collapse into a single decision from which there would be no return. The centerpoint of the conversation today was that someone put the person I chose in touch with the person I didn't--why? I wish I knew--to generate unhappy and open up old wounds is a safe bet--and the question of tonight was whether I wish I had chosen differently. If I had known then what I know now, then yes, I would have. But that wasn't exactly the question. That's the bitch of this whole time thing, you never know how things will turn out, until they turn out. It's easy to say coulda-woulda-shoulda, and you can spin your wheels forever dreaming in futures past, with no reason to believe that an alternate path would have worked out any better or worse. Where was I going with this? I don't remember. Not much chance I'd be masochistic enough to start dating this girl again (providing I still lived in Chicago), but it's nice to finally have some light shed on what really happened. QOTD: N*: have you gotten any since you've been in MA Me: a few close calls, but.... no N*: man! N*: they just don't know what ur packin'....or maybe they do and they are intimidated


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